There lives a small animal, near the Amazon Basin, that threatens the civility and well being of the local tribes living in the area. It eats vegetation, destroying the local economy of the natives. The creature is the dreaded Smurf. Peaceful natives rely on their smurfberry crops which are being systematically plucked from the ground from these "Blue Devils", which stand no more than 4 inches tall. Closely related to the Smurfs are the Snorks, a water borne Smurf, which is also part of the rodentia-fraggle family. Smurfs have a "Queen Bee" style society with the leader a male, known as the "Papa Smurf", all other Smurfs are under the control of the Papa Smurf and follow his wisdom and advice. Other smurfs play specifically selected roles within the community and most colonies have only one female and all the males try to mate with the female by impressing her with a certain personality trait (Smart, funny, etc) which remains constant throughout the life span of the Smurf and remains unique to that Smurf. Some natives infested with these pests have started spraying their fields with a poison causing death within seconds of contact, but not everybody can afford chemicals. Most rely of systematically stomping on Smurfs in the field, which provides crops with needed nutrients. Biologist Dr. Fredrick Gargamel is the researcher the United States sent in a good will mission to rid fields of these pests. "What they lack in common sense, they make up for in numbers" said the 'Down and Out' researcher. "I came here with next to no funding or supplies, but my main concern is riding these pests using any means possible." Dr. Gargamel, having no supplies of his own, resorts to eating Smurfs and using them to turn a profit in order to fund his ongoing task. "The only food source is the smurfberries themselves, and there is barely enough to sustain the lives of the locals. So, I had to resort to eating Smurfs." He then added "[Smurfs taste] a bit like Chicken, but just sweeter, due to the berries they eat." But, despite the efforts, the fields are still overrun by Smurfs.
- posted by Unknown @ 2:37 AM

 
What is this thing crawling on me? Eew! It has a hundred legs. This is vile. It crawled from under the sofa, and then it ran to the side of the tv, but couldn't crawl up it, so it scurried behind the video cabinet. I lost visual contact with him for five minutes, but when the commercial came back on, I saw him dash between the lamp and back to the tv. This sucker's pretty fast. He made it from the lamp around the coffee table then to the sofa in under 8 seconds. I watched him crawl on my foot. He sat there on my foot for the longest time. Probably because it was warm. Then he crawled into my pant leg. I felt him crawl up to my knee, but couldn't fit any further up, so he eventually turned around and headed back down. He crawled back onto the floor and scurried under my leg. I lost interest in him, but soon felt him crawl over my hand. Then up my arm. What is this thing crawling on me?
- posted by Unknown @ 2:28 AM

 
I went to one crazy restaurant. All the food was crazy. The waiters were crazy. Even the prices were crazy. On second thought, it might have been prison.
- posted by Unknown @ 2:14 AM

 
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- posted by Unknown @ 11:41 PM